It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
