I think I died a long time ago.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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