Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
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