I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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