Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
