I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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