my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
So vagazzling was a success
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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