vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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