Say something about gay babies.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I am available for nakedness
I touched a dick in church today
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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