if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
