We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I'm like, not good at living.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
