Dude my mom stole all your condoms
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
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Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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