Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
