all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
My breasts were aching with rage.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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