I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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