Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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