im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
