3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
