I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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