Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
