I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
