First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
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Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
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And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
i think i just lost a toe
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