It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
