I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
two words: eviction party
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
