in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
This is the high leading the old right now
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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