Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
