Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
