Her vagina should come with caution tape.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Randomize
