There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
