You just made me feel so damn special
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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