You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
