I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
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