So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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