sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
