Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Randomize
