i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
