Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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