oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
