i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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