I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
cat food counts as protein by the way
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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