I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
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