Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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