Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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