I wannas sexs uuuuu
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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