Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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