He asked to "fluff my boner.."
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
