i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I need to align my fucking chakras
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
