My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
