I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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