I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
