Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Pants are for mortals
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
