hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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