One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
