upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
