mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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