I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
