Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
