You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
he just fucked me for my cheese..
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
