I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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