My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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