tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
