I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Randomize
