Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
