You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
