pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
It's never too late to be topless.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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