Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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