Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
