tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
So. Much. Porn.
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