White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
