I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
