My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
