Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
