I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
