clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Dicks are not precious.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
