Yo dont text me then not text me
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
