Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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